The COVID-19 pandemic has turned much of the world upside down. For brides and grooms-to-be grappling with postponing their nuptials as a result, the worldwide health crisis likely piled additional stressors onto event planning that can be fraught with challenging situations even during normal times.

Organizing guest lists, selecting vendors, settling on the perfect venue, staying within budget, wrangling the wedding party — these are all items brides and grooms must check off their lists, so it stands to reason that having to reschedule the entire event can throw even the most cool, calm, and collected of soon-to-be newlyweds for a loop.

That said, there are ways to manage the situation while staying within the laws of etiquette, ensure your vendors and planners are on board with your changes, and keep your guests aware of what’s happening — all without succumbing to a nervous breakdown in the process.

Tips For the Happy Couple

1. Communicate with key guests and wedding players. As soon as you realize the date on the calendar isn’t going to work, you need to figure out a few alternatives and huddle with your squad, including both sets of parents and your wedding party, to determine what will work best.

2. Alert your wedding team. Once you’ve settled on a date, contact everyone you’ve hired — caterers, the venue, wedding planner, band or DJ, photographer, videographer, car service — to ensure they can accommodate the change. If possible, ask a reliable friend or family member to help. It wouldn’t hurt to create a spreadsheet or checklist to make sure nothing slips through the cracks. Take care to have backups in mind for businesses that can’t work with you.

3. Contact your other guests as soon as possible. A call to relay the news is best, particularly for your most important guests and those who will be traveling to the wedding. Apologize for any convenience the change may cause and impress upon them how much you hope to see them on the new date and that you understand if the change of plans prevents them from attending. If you can’t call everyone, an announcement via email or mailed postponement cards is appropriate, again relaying your apologies and expressing how you hope to celebrate with them when the big day finally arrives. Lastly, if you have a website, be sure to update it with news of the postponement and the updated date, taking care to give it prime placement on the home page so guests won’t miss it.

4. Figure out the financials. Changing your wedding date may come with costs, in particular the loss of your deposit, so check your contracts with your venue, vendors, and suppliers. If you have event postponement and cancellation insurance, it may help, but remember that not all policies cover COVID-related costs so review your policy carefully and be fully aware of the terms. If you have a wedding planner, lean on them to help you navigate your contracts and negotiate with your vendors. Oftentimes, those in the industry can secure a better deal by convincing their colleagues to waive cancellation and/or rescheduling fees, particularly if suppliers think they may score future client referrals from the wedding planner.

5. Consider assisting out-of-towners. If guests are willing to change their plans to attend your wedding, it’s a nice idea to support them as best you can, particularly when it comes to their costs. Look into negotiating cancellation fees or reimbursements for hotel rooms.

However, if the idea of postponing your entire wedding fills you with anxiety, there are other ways to get married in a safe way. You always have the option of live streaming the event with a few select guests or hosting a small, intimate ceremony at home and saving the big bash for later when health conditions improve. That way you can party safely, surrounded by all your favorites, and throw caution to the wind!

What If You’re a Guest?

Of course, a postponed wedding doesn’t just present problems for the couple in question. In fact, wedding guests are also struggling during this time considering the rules and etiquette surrounding weddings are ever-changing. 

Happily, there are ways guests can help when the stress of the situation inevitably crops up. A good rule of thumb is to reach out to the betrothed couple to express your sympathy for what they’re facing and to assure them that, no matter when they eventually make it down the aisle, you’ll be there with bells on to see it happen (if you can safely make that promise). Any means of communication will work, but a personal call or note is best. Reassure them they’re making the right decision by keeping everyone’s health in mind and that it’s not a burden to you to shift your plans. This will lighten their mental load as they wade through the myriad new decisions and adjustments that come with wedding postponements.

On the question of gifts, this one is pretty simple. If you were invited to a wedding and it was postponed, send a gift, preferably around the time of the original date (you are not expected to bring a second gift to the rescheduled event, but a nice card or hand-written note would be welcome). If you were invited to a wedding but the couple eventually opted for a smaller affair and you didn’t make the guest list cut, send a gift. If you were invited to a wedding and the couple opted to elope, send a gift.

Even if the betrothed went high-tech and decided to live-stream their wedding, send a gift!