In 2013, respondents to a casual Facebook survey by TopTablePlanner said they found that working out a seating plan for their reception was, by far, the most stressful aspect of planning their wedding.

We’re not surprised. Creating a seating plan can force couples to think about the tensions among relatives, to worry about the cousin who won’t know a soul at the reception, or wonder where to seat that overly blunt childhood friend.

“You can’t please everybody” is a well-known maxim, but when you work on a seating plan, there’s a real sense that it’s up to you to make all of your guests happy.

Our advice: Take that burden off of your shoulders. There is no such thing as seating plan perfection.

You do have strategies at your disposal that can help—we’re sharing them here, along with some general seating plan guidelines that could prove useful. Put them to work for you. Beyond that, breathe, and know you’ve done your best.

What You Should Know About Seating Plans

Do We Have to Have One?-You may be asking if it’s necessary to subject yourself to this process. The answer depends on the size of your event, whether your guests could benefit from some guidance, and the requirements of your venue. Generally, though, seating plans are worth the effort.

“At any kind of sit-down dinner affair—including your wedding reception—assigned seats just tend to make things simpler,” Heather Lee, Kristi Kellogg, and Jaimie Mackey wrote for Brides magazine. “To begin with, it ensures each table will be filled to max capacity. And without assigned seating, for plated dinner service especially, things can quickly get confusing for the staff otherwise.”

Shapes and Sizes-Before creating a seating plan, you’ll need to decide whether you prefer round, oval, square, or rectangular tables and how many people you’d like each to accommodate. Most likely, you’ll need a mix of tables, possibly a small, round sweetheart table for the bride and groom—or a long, rectangular table for the couple and bridal party—along with round or square tables that seat about eight to 12 guests each. Your venue and/or rental company can provide guidance.

Doing the Numbers-Once you know your tables’ seating capacity and how many people are attending, you can determine how many tables you’ll need.

Working with the Room Layout-Before you tackle the intricacies of who will sit near who, it helps to consider the overall arrangement of your reception room. If you know where the band or DJ will be, for example, you may want to avoid seating older guests nearby. Will you have any guests in wheelchairs or with limited mobility? Select a table with easy access for them.

Guests of Honor-Next, select locations for yourselves, your wedding party, and your closest friends and family. Make sure your close relatives will have a good view of key moments, including first dances and toasts.

Common Ground-From there, try to seat people who know each other together. Will your high school or college friends be attending? It’s probably a safe bet that they’ll want to sit together. The same applies to people you work with and additional family members. For those who don’t know anyone except the bride and groom, think about common interests or complementary personalities.

The Ins and Outs of Cards-You may be wondering if you need place cards, which indicate where each person is sitting. If you want to assign guests to tables and let them decide which seat to select, cards aren’t needed.

But even with assigned seating, cards aren’t absolutely necessary. You can help your guests find their places by displaying your seating chart or setting up whiteboards that lists each person, their table, and their seat.

That said, if you like the look of seating cards or escort cards, there’s nothing wrong with using them. The ultimate goal is clear communication with your guests.

Stress-Busters

So, what can you do to increase your chances of a successful seating arrangement—and keep your aggravation to a minimum? Here are a few pointers.

Enlist Assistance-Ultimately, you have the final word on seating decisions, but it doesn’t hurt to ask others for input. Are you inviting people your parents know better than you do? Ask who they might enjoy sitting with. Will an introvert be attending alone? Maybe friends or family who know your guests well can recommend some ideal tablemates.

Ask the Experts-While organizing a seating chart can seem overwhelming to you, wedding and event planners create floor plans and seating charts on a regular basis. If you’re working with one, seek their advice. Even if you’re not paying a professional, you can get helpful suggestions from your venue contact, who likely has a lot of experience in this area, too. And, it wouldn’t hurt to ask friends and family who’ve created seating charts for their own events what worked best for them.

Harness Technology-Digital seating plans are helpful planning tools. Depending on the option you choose, you can use these apps to share ideas and decisions with others and add details like special needs or dietary requirements to the guest information.

Remember, it may feel like ensuring the happiness of each of your guests is your responsibility when you work on a seating chart, but that’s just not true.

All you can do is make the best seating assignments you can, based on the information and resources available to you.

Then, let go and move on to the rest of your planning.