So, your best friend is getting hitched, and you’ve scored the top job – you’re the maid (or matron) of honor! Congrats! The gig is sure to come with invites to all the pre-wedding parties and, best of all, an up-close-and-personal view of your bestie’s big day.

However, with all of these perks comes a certain amount of responsibility that must be taken seriously, from pulling together a bachelorette party to helping the bride organize airport pickups.

For some, this important role can be a little overwhelming and even threaten to ruin the fun of the event. 

If that’s you, take a read through this quick guide to some of the maid/matron of honor’s primary responsibilities, tips for tackling them, and the best ways to support your friend while saving your sanity.

What’s expected of you.

1.     Party planning. As the bride’s No. 1 gal, one of your most important tasks is organizing the bachelorette party. Of course, the bride’s wishes should be tops in your decision-making process, but it’s also your job to make sure she takes into account the guests’ financial means and availability before settling on the details. Whether the bride opts for an intimate dinner party or an all-out, weekend-long, out-of-town bash, take care that those who are invited will have fun and that the event won’t break their budget, or worse, prohibit them from attending.

2.     Accompany the bride during dress shopping. Every bride-to-be needs opinions when selecting her dream dress, so be sure to save the date for when she heads to the boutique. In addition to giving your honest (but gentle) feedback, have an idea of what type of style she likes so you can help gather some options for her to try on. It may even be fun to arrange for a post-shopping ladies’ lunch for your entourage, which will likely include the bride’s mother, future mother-in-law, members of the bridal party, and other female relatives. 

3.     Recording the wedding gifts at the bridal shower. Even in this day of text messages and emails, most people expect a handwritten thank-you note when they give a wedding gift. To make sure the bride has an accurate accounting of who gifted what, plant yourself beside her during the gift-opening part of the bridal shower, pen and notebook at the ready. After the party, type up the list and email it to her for safekeeping and easy access.

Pro Tip: To reach the level of maid/matron of honor extraordinaire, you could keep her company and offer thank you-note writing tips when she’s struggling with multiple ways to express her appreciation. Be sure to bring snacks!

4.     Rally the troops. One of the biggest stressors for brides is ensuring the wedding day goes off without a hitch. As maid/matron of honor, you can help make that happen by serving as the unofficial wedding party wrangler. From making sure bridesmaids show up for gown selection to pushing them to order their dresses on time to scheduling their fittings, taking care of these tasks yourself frees up a lot of brain space for the bride – and buys you her eternal gratitude.

5.     Be a go-to contact for wedding inquiries and errands. There’s seemingly no end to wedding to-do’s, many of them often falling to the bride. To alleviate some of her stress, offer to be the first point of contact for anything from guests’ questions, vendors calling for appointments, or even RSVPs.

Also, make yourself available for errands, perhaps carving out a weekend or two for getting them done. Remember, helping your friend pull her big day together with nary a breakdown is part of the maid/matron of honor’s job description so be flexible and responsive to her needs.

6.     Make a wedding toast. It’s reported that public speaking is many people’s biggest fear, but with proper preparation, it doesn’t have to be. When writing your remarks, include a few personal anecdotes about the bride and groom, a dose of humor—if you feel comfortable with it--and a pinch of sentimentality to pull off a toast that perfectly encapsulates how you feel about your dear friend’s marriage. Also, keep your audience and the tone of the event in mind. Ultimately, if you keep it light, heartfelt, short, and appropriate, you can’t go wrong.

7.     On the wedding day, hit the dance floor, and bring the bride with you. Enough said! You both deserve it!

Quick Tips to Help You Get it Right Without Succumbing to Stress

1.     Delegate. Call on your fellow bridesmaids whenever you can. Divide and conquer!

2.     Ask the other bridesmaids to share the expense of the bachelorette party. As these events become larger and grander, so do expenses increase. Divvy up the cost to lessen the financial strain.

3.     Plan a wedding talk-free dinner or night out with the bride. A relaxing dinner or casual drink may be just what both of you need to shore up your nerves and rest a bit before diving back into planning.

4.     Take a breath, and advise the bride to do the same. Assure your friend her wedding will be perfect and, even if there’s a snag here, you are there to support her and make it right. 

Serving as the maid or matron of honor for one of the most important women in your life is likely a memory you’ll treasure forever. Taking care to do the job right while keeping it fun is the name of the game. After all, a happy bride and a memorable wedding day are the best rewards you could ask for!